Showing posts with label imaginary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label imaginary. Show all posts

Thursday, April 3, 2014

when in doubt.

Playing solitaire by the water,
watching the clouds move over the game,
watching the sun fade away.
The weather is calm;
the souls are at rest today.
The people are watching 
from below
as well as above.
    
Cards are running low,
the deck is getting thin.
The day is fading away without me.
Golden bows
blast open the doorways
to unforeseen manifestations.
The stars and the moon arrive.

The soul is awakened by a purpose,
and then quickly runs out of ideas.
Nothing lasts forever.
         
Night comes,
making it hard to see
characters and playgrounds
bargained by jack’s and ace’s.

The joker, a trickster and a prophet,
reminds us
that there is always a truth within a lie
and some lies help to make us feel better.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

commercials.

Watching the world
synthesized digitally
51 frames per second.
Catching glimpses
of chemically oriented enlightenments
that degrade synapses.
          
Overlooking past judgments on society
for an eternal fantasy.
It’s all untouched and permanent,
where happiness truly exists.

Clean air that’s inviting and pure,
its inhabitants surrounded in a
forever state of contentment
basking in a warm and forgiving light
where someone would want to
vacation,
buy in   
retire too,
die in,
or live forever.
A fading sunset,
a glorious sunrise,
what Christmas morning should be,
what living should feel like.

Death and suffering are only
concepts for entertainment
and reasons to purchase better.

A misplaced envy swells
for that life
existing within
that second to second universe
where reality is a utopian light show.

As if everything here,
amongst the flesh and meat of it all,
is less and inferior
when compared to that grand vision.

All cumulating in a sickness,
a depression,
a void,
cast from depravation for a life,
that for a few seconds,
I’m convinced I once had;
and through my own fault, I’ve lost.



Tuesday, March 25, 2014

frog.

 It just sat there on the window ledge. Croaking it’s mating call to anything that could hear it. I appeared to be the sole individual hearing its guttural summons echoing throughout most of the common area and into the office. It has the habitual annoyance of over powering everything I do to block it out and I’m beginning to feel the urge to mate with it myself. I walk out onto the screened in patio, the sound of every animal and creature in the throws of mating compulsion are all uniting in chorus.
     
Following the little path between the building and the fenced in retention pond that constitutes as water front property, under the glow of a fluorescent beacon it sits upon its windowsill balcony. If it was female I could have called it Juliet. With a flick of my fingers my love torn companion is air born into the ragged bushes and dead leaves. Making my way back to the patio, the cacophony appears to be getting louder, as if compensating for the loss.
     
The rising sounds of the world grow louder and louder; closing in on myself and filling my head with nothing else. The discernable cries of the distinct animals are becoming one whole thunderous rumble, my head is ringing with its overwhelming force and it’s closing in on me in, not only from the darkness but from within me as well. The gnarled trees within the fenced in pond move toward the building, as if the space between us is shrinking, without taking a step, growing larger to encompass everything.
     
A light is turned on inside, it distracts me and I see Mavis walking to one of the dinning room tables. She’s carrying an arm full of books and papers, a thick brown and green comforter draped over her head. Everything around has returned to the ongoing mating rituals and the dense air encasing the world; all quaint and normal and safe within their boundaries. And then there is Mavis, a pudgy middle-aged woman with a child like contour to her face.
     
Her smile portents to an innocence that may or may not be there, depending on who diagnoses her; she uses it well when her devious manipulating back fires and her explanations get no sympathy. I watch her, sprawling her belongings onto the table, taking a seat with the comforter still draped over her head, she wraps herself with it and begins separating her papers and books into neat piles. I walk back in, and prepare for the inevitable.
      
“What’cha doing Mavis?”
     
“What?” She pokes her head out of the comforter, looking as if I had just spoken to her in a foreign language or she somehow didn’t hear what I had said. “Oh, I can’t sleep in my room tonight. There is poison in the air and it’s gotten into my room.” She pulls the cover over her head once more.

“What poison?” I ask.
     
“The stuff Chris used to clean the counters tonight. He uses too much of it and I’ve told him thousands of times he can’t use that stuff because he sprays it all over the counters. I need fresh air. I can’t sleep in my room. It smells really bad.” She ends with that deceptive smile and a pseudo-geisha giggle.
    
I attempt to explain to her that there was no smell of poison or chemical cleaners in the air. I explain to her that had a cleaner been used in the kitchen it would not affect her in her bedroom. All in a reluctant but calm and endearing tone, attempting to defuse the situation before it escalates.
     
“Oh, it gets into the air conditioner and then to all the bedrooms. I can smell it. That’s all that matters.”
     
“You don’t smell it here next to the kitchen?”
     
“No.” She’s looking around for answers; you can almost hear the marbles clanking about in her head. “Because, you know, the air conditioner sucks up all the smell.”
     
“You know the rules about being out here after bed time.”
     “Oh, please, I just want to read and I can’t sleep. It’s cold in here. Can I get some ice water?”
     
“No ice water and I like it cold in here. I’m sure it’s a lot warmer in your room.” I make my way back to the office.
     
“But I’ll die in there!” Her voice trailing behind me.
     
“Yeah, I know, but you still have to go to bed. You got five minutes to clean all that junk you brought out here and head back to your room.” I sit down at the computer and jiggle the mouse to get it going again.
     
Mavis comes sulking to the office, her head down, attempting to use that child-like innocence. I click on the screen to bring up the desktop, the boss’ grandson on his second birthday, his face smothered in frosting.

“Donald…” She accentuates the syllables like a five year old. “Why can’t I stay in the dinning room? You know Jesus says that when you want something you should take it and I can’t sleep because Gerty is always talking in her sleep.” Gertrud is her roommate; a 55 year old who’s slowly decaying with the AIDS virus.   

“Because its bedtime and you know that and you should be in your room.” I pull up a Word document on the computer and begin to type at random to appear busy.
     
“Well can I tell you something?” She moves into the office and starts to close the door.
     
“Wait! No. Were not doing this tonight, not again, were not having some heart to heart about your dog, or about the bible, or about the fact that it’s the anniversary of your mom’s death. Step back. Go on.”
     
“That’s not fair. I need to talk to you.”
     
“I’ll tell you what’s not fair is what your mom’s going to say when I call her in the morning and explain to her how you’ve been acting these past two weeks.”
     
She lowers her head once more and heads back to the dining room. Within minutes she storms back past the office carrying all of her belongings and heads for her room, slamming the bedroom door. 
     
Air escapes my lungs in an involuntary sigh. My love torn companion has returned to the window ledge and his swampy serenade begins once more.


Thursday, January 16, 2014

ogres.

The boy broke free of his dream. He could smell the remnants of dinner on the cooling air. There was an electric hum throughout the space as if a great beast purred at its own pleasures.
     
The boy cursed the inadequacies of the night-light and broke through the warmth of his bed. Making his way through the dark room, pausing periodically as if to still the air.
     
The night rustled amongst itself, clouds moved to adjust themselves, and the moon shone. The boy wanted to scream out at the night as his unprotected toes made contact with the edge of the dresser. But he held his breath and didn’t make a sound. Wincing at every step, he made his way to the window. Looking through the vampire light that illuminated the yard, he was comforted by what he saw:
     
A monument to the vast collection of refused and discarded artifacts from the neighborhood. It stood as a summer’s testament to scraped arms and bloodied fingertips, as a boy’s sanctuary from reality. The primary edifice of the structure was a refrigerator box that the McNally’s had tossed away back in May. The boy had contemplated the old refrigerator that soon made its way to the curb, but after several futile attempts and one near death by squashing, the boy settled for the box and the aluminum door to the old monster. The door worked as a suitable foundation; it lay on its interior side, nestling into the soft earth of the back yard. The exterior smooth surface was perfect to rest the box on, keeping the fragile cardboard away from the dirt. Red bricks from the Paiva’s chimney, remnants from when they demolished it, were used as anchors.

From this, the eventual structure was built up and formed. Pieces of vinyl siding, which were scraps from when the Dubois’ had their house done up in June, were made into a roof canopy. 4x4 planks that were used in building his parents porch, also in June, supported the covering. An exterior wall was made of sheets of plywood that were left in the shed from last year’s hurricane scare. One of the sheets had a small square cut out along its edge; this worked as a suitable doorway. A light blue sheet of plastic covered this main entrance. It was once part of a large tarp that had covered the Fitzpatrick’s pool. The boy had cut away the deteriorated parts, using the better parts for the entrance and as added covering on the corners of the plywood sheets that didn’t meet well. Rusted nails he had stolen from Timmy’s garage fastened much of the structure; he could never remember what Timmy’s last name was. He never took the newer, shiny nails and spent many hours banging away at the twisted subjects to make them useful once more. He also used twine, which he unraveled from a large ball that he had received from Mr. Rosalino in trade for some help with the old man’s yard work.
     
“It will be all right Donald. Come back to bed now, it’s late and you got school in the morning…”

“Shut up.” The boy nearly tore open the silence, but he kept his voice to a firm whisper. “Don’t call me that. I told you a hundred times. You don’t know me. You don’t call me that.” The boy argued into the night stillness, causing tiny rips in the precious silence.
     
He marched back to the cooling softness of his bed and took hold of what resembled an amalgamation of dryer lint and yarn with legs and googly eyeballs. It had been a present from an undesirable relative on his last birthday. His mom had placed it beside him when she tucked him in for the night. The boy threw it across the room. He nestled himself back into a safe position with the blanket over his head; it was his only protection in case vampires came for his blood while he was sleeping.
     
“Good night Donald.”
     
“Shut up!” The silence was torn.
     *
     
Morning came with all its passion and burning brilliance. The boy sat at the breakfast table awaiting his meal, his mom moving about frantically with her hands full with bowls, milk, phone, pens, and bananas. The boy watched as she quickly dismissed the tiny spills on the floor and wondered why he couldn’t get away with such carelessness. He observed the routine that had been forgotten in the summer months of sleeping in and eating lunch for breakfast.
     
“Do you think we’ll have to do all that someday?” The boy spoke.
     
“Naah, if mom didn’t do all that…well…I don’t think she would feel like mom.”

“I don’t know. It looks kind of scary and all.”

“Yeah…I know.”

A large stuffed animal in a gorilla costume sat beside the boy on two large phone books and ten smaller mail order catalogues. Its bobbly head, due to the lack of stuffing around its neck, lay tilted to one side in a contemplative pose.
     
The boy’s mother was carrying two bowels of cereal and one banana. She sat beside the boy on the opposite side of the thinking monkey, placing a bowel and the banana in front of the boy. He slid the banana to Mr. Dobalino, the gorilla.
     
“So…did you sleep well last night sweetheart?” The boy’s mother reached over and moved the banana back to its original placement. The boy simply nodded in a positive while stuffing his mouth with magically sugarcoated symbols of a dead civilization. “Really? I heard you moving around last night. You were doing a lot of mumbling. I even heard you yell.” She placed her hand on his head, comforting him and straightening his hair. “I mean…remember what Dr. Kanine said.” She coerced his head so she could look at his face. “If you’re having a hard time sleeping we need to know.” Out of the corner of his eye he noticed the banana and moved it back in front of the pensive gorilla. “If you don’t tell us what’s wrong, how will we know what to fix?”
     
“It’s not my fault. That stupid alien keeps bothering me.” A colorful array of pastel tinted milk and brightly colored words decorated his response, as well as the table.
     
“Donald! What’re you doing? Look at what you’ve done.” His mother had taken a new turn to revulsion while she wiped his words off herself and the table. “How many times we have to tell you? Don’t talk with food in your mouth! What are you talking about? Alien?” The woman reached over the table moving the banana back beside the now half empty bowl.
     
“The one Aunt Lucy gave me for my birthday.” The boy placed the banana, once again, by Mr. Dobalino. The gorilla now seemed less in thought and more in caution as the weight of his head was sliding him off his perch.
     
“A toy? You’re talking about that plush toy?” She threw down her napkin, reached once more for the banana, and slammed it down hard in front of the boy. “It’s only a toy Donnie.”
     
“No! He doesn’t know me. I don’t want it to say my name,” he pleaded with a dead audience.
     
“Honey.” The woman took hold of her emotions, focusing her attention in a concerned tone. “What are you saying? Are you hearing things again? Is that it? Donnie, you have to tell mommy.”
     
The boy became aware of where this conversation was going. He closed his eyes and began humming a constant sound through his teeth. He had seen a kid do this in Dr. Osako’s waiting room. The boy wasn’t sure how this worked, but it worked for the kid in the waiting room.
     
“Donald stop that.”

He continued till he ran out of air and stopped for a refill.
     
“Donnie, please, stop that.”
     
After two breath-fulls he was growing tired of the ordeal and was about to stop.
     
“All right. All right.” She was defeated for the moment. “Go get ready for school please. We’re going to be late for your first day.” The mother grabbed the bowls and the banana in one clearing arm motion. The boy did not move. “This has to stop Donnie. I mean…Jesus! It’s only a stuffed animal.”
     
“No! It’s! Not!” He grabbed Mr. Dobalino and ran for the door, bursting out into the glow of the new day.
     
The boy ran around the house and to the back yard. As he approached the fortress he fell to his hands and knees, scurrying inside.
     
Tiny beams of light pierced the seams and gaps of the structure. Here was silence, no voices, no fears and the boy enjoyed the place in between it all. Mr. Dobalino had fallen on a pile of Legos and was once again contemplative.

“I’ll be here when you get back.”

“No! You said you would go with me. You said you would come for the first day.” His eyes grew blurred with the rising fluid.

“You know when you get back we’ll build a better spaceship than the last one. This time we’ll make it so good we’ll go all the way to Mars.”

“What if I ain’t…?”

“Go. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” The gorrilla appeared to be gesturing a compassionate smile.

Reluctantly he crawled out of his own reality. Before he left through the blue curtain he looked back, “Be careful, I think there are ogres about.”

The boy made his way out and headed for the car. His mom was waiting, and the look on her face told him it was not going to be a quiet ride. He looked up at his bedroom window, noticing the alien creature peering down at him. Approaching the car, he looked toward the street corner where the older kids waited for the bus. 

He was right; the ogres were about.